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An elderly lady with several pets called to say that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called;
and that on the few occasions when it did ring her dog always barked first.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog.
He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.
The phone didn't ring. He tried again. The dog barked loudly, followed by a ringing telephone.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
a. A dog was tied to the telephone system's ground post via an iron chain and collar.
b. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signalling current.
c. After several such jolts, the dog would start barking and urinating on the ground.
d. The wet ground now completed the circuit and the phone would ring.
You know you're addicted to the internet when:
- You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
- Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
- Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
- All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
- And even your night dreams are in HTML.
- You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
- You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
- You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
- Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
- All of your friends have an @ in their names.
- When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
- Your dog has its own home page.
- You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos.
- You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
- You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
- You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
- You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
- You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
- You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
- You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
- The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
- You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack for "surfing the net".
- You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
- You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
- Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in
to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.
The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral.
"Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce," the man said.
The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back.
"That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest," the loan officer said.
The man wrote out a check and started to walk away. "Wait sir", the loan officer said,
"while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"
The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"
